Oh boy. I figured I'd post something real quick since I'm getting my mind ready to handle seeing a more fully-formed fetus/baby/miniature-me inside my wife. I'm definitely a bit nervous about this one. (Yeah, I know, I'm nervous about a lot of things.. yadda, yadda..)

The thing is this: each time we go to one of these appointments, I find myself slapped in the face with the reality of this whole procession. Now, that may sound a bit like a "well, duh!" moment there, but I don't care. To everyone out there who is all excited about every little step of the process and thinks "having babies is the most natural thing you can do" or some crap, you just can't prepare yourself for hearing that little heartbeat or actually seeing a writhing little almost-baby twitching around inside your wife's belly!! To call it surreal would be an understatement!

Today, two hours before the next big ultrasound appointment, I have regressed slightly into the "what in the world are we doing??!?" mindset that I thought I had mostly gotten under control. Having people around recently that just take this stuff like it's nothing unusual or out of the ordinary isn't helping at all. It just makes me more irritated and nervous in general, I've found. Now I'm not saying that anyone really thinks pregnancy is less than "amazing", but I'm talking about the "yeah, it's amazing, but people do it all the time" kind of crap. So what?

I'm so very glad that Amy is happy and excited (again, understatement) because without that, I'd get close to shutting down at times. I just can't find a way to imagine what we're in for on this journey. Every time I get a grip on it and think I have it under wraps, we have another doctor appointment that slaps me with something new. Today, that will be a high-resolution (I think) image of our child from inside the womb. Uhh.... holy poo!!

Well...

I honestly sit here typing this with a slight shakiness to me and a fair bit of tension I can't describe. I'm sure there are others who felt similar -- maybe I hope there are others. I hope that others will be honest and say how they truly felt/feel when faced with this most extraordinary of wonders of the animal world! How can anybody just shrug it all off like it's no big deal simply because it's "natural" or "normal"?? I just don't see it. This is massive!

I'll say this one more time: I find far less comfort in talking to people who just accept this process without a second glance. I'm going to set about finding some folks to talk to that are not just blindly accepting of this stuff. Maybe I need to find some scientist or philosopher-types who've gone through this (or are going through this) just so I can have some intellectual discussions instead of only emotional or flippant ones. Logic and reason for the win!

Okay, I guess I better leave this post alone before I take it yet another direction. :P

I'll go and get ready to see my child now and I'm really, really hoping all the parts look mostly right!! Sheesh -- I'm nervous.