Okay, so I understand that ladies take care of each other... sometimes voraciously. You know how it is when several of them get together, how they run little test programs to gauge the validity of various things for each other -- is he cute enough for my friend?; how will he react when he sees a hot lady walk by?; how miserable will he let us make him before he screams and runs away?

You know what I'm talking about, right? If you're a guy, you already yelled out "no doubt!" or "dude!" or whatever. If you're one of said ladies, you likely already changed the page of this site, so you're not reading this anyway.

So... here's the deal: I keep getting tested about how well I'm going to hold up to this whole parenthood thing. A year or two ago, it was my mother-in-law observing me like a rat in a cage with her other daughter's (you know, my wife's sister,) twins at around 3 years old or whatever they were at the time. (Whoops, I just failed a test right there! Did you catch that? No? Well, you see, I was supposed to know how old they were when we saw them, along with the color of their hair... neither of which I can recall at the moment. See how much trouble I'm already in?)

Well anyway, I did pretty well during that testing period even though I didn't know the test was underway.(aka: "he's so good with them! They really seem to like him!" and the like), It took me a while to realize that I had been under observation at the time, but now I really know what's going on, so I see it happening all the time. Let me bring you up to date around last weekend:

A really good friend of Amy's was in town with her 1 year old boy so we got together for dinner. There were also a couple other ladies there, including a very good friend of Amy's friend (hard to keep names out of this and still make sense), along with the little boy's babysitter/nanny. They're all very nice women, but that's not the point, since we're not to that part of the story where I had even met any of them yet (except Amy's friend, who I've known for many years). I had also not seen Amy's pal since long before she had a glimmer of parenthood in her eyes, so we hadn't "gone there" as of yet.

Aaaanyway...

So I got there early and had been waiting at the restaurant for everyone to show up. That might have gotten me a point or two, since I'm always late, but I digress. In strolls the group of these beautiful young women (that gets me a point or two in the pocket, that I'm about to lose in a few sentences) with the poor little testosterone-starved boy in-tow. (Yeah, that was the sound of points being deducted en masse. Now you know what that sound is, so you'll recognize it later.)

There I am, going around the circle meeting the new people and hugging the old friend and greeting my wife... okay, so they're un-buckling the 1-year old boy from his cart. Must be needing to get him adjusted and ready to get into the restaurant for dinn... oh, I'm getting to meet the boy. Cool, I dig little kids, so let's have a quick "say hi" moment...

Arms stretch out and he basically lurches out of his moms arms at me. "Well hello, little man," I say, "who must I remind you of?"... cool kid, with a bit of girth and kind of squirmy. He's settled firmly in my arms now, seemingly totally content.

It was roughly at that moment that I realized there was no more chatter amongst the ladies. I heard something along the "ahhh" lines from somebody, but after a minute of talking to the boy and playing with him a bit, I realized there was something of a semi-circle of women staring at the boys! Ack! Okay, I get it, "it's on". No mistakes, no missteps... don't drop the boy, by any means!! Keep smiling, keep smiling...

Well, you get the idea, I'm sure. I'm getting evaluated for all manner of things that I'll never know details of. I figure there are a lot of things I did well: no crying, no dropping, several smiles and some giggles... all of these Good Things, so I think I did alright.

It's a really funny thing to go through. Women put me/us/you(?) in these funky situations and then watch what happens. There are rules to this game, I assure you -- you'll never know what they are, though. You'll never know the score you got or whether you "passed" or not, really... unless you really mess up somehow. "Dang, this kid is fat!" would likely get the child removed from your arms, for example, but "this boy's gonna be a great fullback when he grows up!" should do rather nicely, and still get the point across.

At any rate, I had a very nice dinner with some really nice ladies and I really enjoyed hanging out with the little fullback. I think I passed the tests fairly well... this time.

Ultrasound went well and they seemed to have found all the right pieces in all the right places. That's good. This checkup was mainly to confirm that stuff -- anatomy development and such. It's really, really weird to see that little skeleton wriggling around in there! I really didn't expect so much movement! I don't know if I thought there wasn't enough space to move or that the kid wouldn't have the capacity to move, but it's wiggling & wriggling & yawning... uh, yawning? Yeah, we caught that little sucker in a yawn. That was pretty cool -- we have a picture of it. :)

Anyway, just needed to drop an "all clear that we know of" note. I'm actually post-dating this check, since I'm slow getting stuff put up here. You don't mind, do you? I figure it's better to keep stuff slightly chronological, at least.

Oh boy. I figured I'd post something real quick since I'm getting my mind ready to handle seeing a more fully-formed fetus/baby/miniature-me inside my wife. I'm definitely a bit nervous about this one. (Yeah, I know, I'm nervous about a lot of things.. yadda, yadda..)

The thing is this: each time we go to one of these appointments, I find myself slapped in the face with the reality of this whole procession. Now, that may sound a bit like a "well, duh!" moment there, but I don't care. To everyone out there who is all excited about every little step of the process and thinks "having babies is the most natural thing you can do" or some crap, you just can't prepare yourself for hearing that little heartbeat or actually seeing a writhing little almost-baby twitching around inside your wife's belly!! To call it surreal would be an understatement!

Today, two hours before the next big ultrasound appointment, I have regressed slightly into the "what in the world are we doing??!?" mindset that I thought I had mostly gotten under control. Having people around recently that just take this stuff like it's nothing unusual or out of the ordinary isn't helping at all. It just makes me more irritated and nervous in general, I've found. Now I'm not saying that anyone really thinks pregnancy is less than "amazing", but I'm talking about the "yeah, it's amazing, but people do it all the time" kind of crap. So what?

I'm so very glad that Amy is happy and excited (again, understatement) because without that, I'd get close to shutting down at times. I just can't find a way to imagine what we're in for on this journey. Every time I get a grip on it and think I have it under wraps, we have another doctor appointment that slaps me with something new. Today, that will be a high-resolution (I think) image of our child from inside the womb. Uhh.... holy poo!!

Well...

I honestly sit here typing this with a slight shakiness to me and a fair bit of tension I can't describe. I'm sure there are others who felt similar -- maybe I hope there are others. I hope that others will be honest and say how they truly felt/feel when faced with this most extraordinary of wonders of the animal world! How can anybody just shrug it all off like it's no big deal simply because it's "natural" or "normal"?? I just don't see it. This is massive!

I'll say this one more time: I find far less comfort in talking to people who just accept this process without a second glance. I'm going to set about finding some folks to talk to that are not just blindly accepting of this stuff. Maybe I need to find some scientist or philosopher-types who've gone through this (or are going through this) just so I can have some intellectual discussions instead of only emotional or flippant ones. Logic and reason for the win!

Okay, I guess I better leave this post alone before I take it yet another direction. :P

I'll go and get ready to see my child now and I'm really, really hoping all the parts look mostly right!! Sheesh -- I'm nervous.

Time has really flown by! I'm 1/2 way there! (Can anyone tell me how much bigger I'll be at 24 weeks? I need to estimate for a particular reason!)

So at I'm at 20 weeks now and I'll be doing the Level 2 Ultrasound tomorrow (that is, if my doc's office has their machine fixed!!)

This special ultrasound gives you a very specific glimpse of your growing baby.

What it screens for: The ultrasound anatomy scan, or level 2 ultrasound, is an amazingly interesting experience for parents-to-be. Your baby will be measured from crown to rump (and what a cute rump it is!), around his/her middle, around his/her head — and that's just for starters. The four chambers of the heart will be viewed, as well as the kidneys, bladder, stomach, brain, spine, and sex organs (be sure to tell your sonographer if you don't want to know what he or she sees — or doesn't see!).

Measurements are taken to make sure your baby is growing appropriately (and that his or her gestational age is still on target). A survey of the organs, including the umbilical cord, ensures that they are developing normally (or identifies any potential problems as soon as possible). The sonographer will also be looking at your amniotic fluid levels, the location of the placenta, and the fetal heart rate. Settle in to enjoy the show: The detailed level 2 scan can take 30 to 45 minutes (depending on how cooperative your little one wants to be during the photo shoot).

Who it's for: Most practitioners order a level 2 ultrasound for all their moms-to-be.

How it's done: You recline on an exam table with your belly exposed. A sonographer applies gel and then moves the transducer over your abdomen. As sound waves emitted from the transducer bounce off "structures" inside (like your baby's adorable face!), images are formed on a video screen. To get the most comprehensive assessment, the sonographer will be aiming for many different views from lots of different angles in this scan. When the technician gets a clear shot, he or she will freeze-frame the picture (that's the actual sonogram) and then measure the anatomy. You can expect to go home with one or two good sonogram pictures (the perinatologist and your practitioner will review the rest).

When it's done: Most level 2 ultrasounds are performed between 18 and 22 weeks. If you have a condition that needs to be monitored (such as carrying twins), you may have more than one detailed ultrasound.

Risks: There are no significant risks associated with ultrasounds, though medical guidelines caution against unnecessary exposure to ultrasound — which is why your practitioner will schedule only a handful of them throughout your pregnancy.

Source: www.whattoexpect.com

I keep forgetting to post about this, but I wanted to get it written down. A while back (I guess it's been over 3 weeks now -- ack, I'm behind on posts!!), at Amy's last appointment, there was a pretty neat little thing I didn't get around to talking about...

When you go in, part of the check-in process involves a sweet little device that looks a bit like a little microphone. The nurse prods this thing around on Amy's belly and we start to hear a heartbeat! Wow.

"ka-pshew, ka-pshew, ka-pshew, ka-pshew, ka-pshew, ka-pshew, ka-pshew, ka-pshew..."

Wow, I say.

It really floored me the first time we heard that, at the initial ultrasound appointment waaay back. However, there's little like a heartbeat to drive home the concept that there really is something inside there!! Amazing. At that time, Amy wasn't really showing much sign of physical change, so I think I had lost sight of the big picture a little bit, but hearing that heartbeat really slugged me in the chest. It's a very, very comforting sound, I thought. What a powerful little sound.

Aaanyway, it turns out the device is called a Doppler Fetal Heart Rate Monitor, for those interested. I'm a glutton for information, so I wanted to know better about how these things worked. It's interesting, since it's not really checking a beating heart, exactly. It's actually monitoring blood moving in the fetus and uses that to simulate the sound of a heartbeat. Wild. It uses the Doppler effect to measure how fast the blood is moving and translates that into a sound for us to hear.

I might have gone beyond your interest level on the subject, so I'll stop typing now. :P

I've read that one gets a pretty stuffy nose because of increased body blood volume and nasal passages being inflamed because of that, but holy cow! Didn't expect THIS much stuffines!!!

"Why?" do you ask yourself? I caught a cold! When you're pregnant, and have a cold, you're miserable. Just plain miserable. Well, everyone, is, aren't they? Of course! Except, a pregnant woman can't take any symptom relief medications!

ARRGGHHH! Incredibly frustrating. About.com pregnancy's section says to not take any OTC cold medication, and one time I found several blog entries (not sure on what site) that listed a very good article from Pharmacists - recommendations on allowable lists of drugs for pregnant women. Sudafed is NOT on the 'good' list. Tho I could take cough medicine when I had a bad cough! See http://coldflu.about.com/od/faqaboutthecold/a/pregnantcolds.htm and I'll try and find that article and link to it.

[I had posted about this previously, but I had trouble and it got deleted. Thus, the timing is a bit off, since this post is about a Dr. appointment we had a couple weeks-ish back.]

We had what is our first of the "every month" appointments for Amy before they go into 2x month and then every 3 hours or something -- then baby changes lives forever! Wheee! I know it's time to start really screaming inside my head when we have appt's every other week. Yep, then it's time to get really worried.

Aaanyway... this appointment was some basic stuff following the Nuchal Translucency screening dealie. Lots of questions by both of us that were summed up roughly like this (not in any particular order):

Well... it went something like that, as I recall. That's not a conversation, mind you -- just a random sampling of how things went.

Overall, after the screening, the results are encouraging, but I'm finding it difficult to feel all that comforted, for some reason. I'm not really sure why, but I just don't like the notion that nothing is really "conclusive" at this stage. I'm likely just too stressed in general to let my guard down and "enjoy" what's going on. I'm working on fixing that, but it's still rough.

From the "this is not helping my stress" department: I typed up a big post and it didn't go through (browser problem??) and Amy mentioned having lost a couple posts she had started. I'm looking into it to make sure it's not operator failure for us or if it's a site/server problem. In the meantime, it's looking quiet around here. We plan on updating at least a couple times a week, so this is slowing us down a bit.

I'm working on some client stuff ATM, but I'll get this sorted soon. Thanks for visiting.

My new colleague's 19-yr-old son died in a car accident two weeks ago. I had never met him. Boy am I having a hard time thinking about my own child and that the same situation is always a possibility for us, too. At any point. I don't think I need to say life is precious so celebrate it every day; experience the joy the people around you bring and let it in. Ok I just said it.

I hope, likely along with every other parent, that I never will have to go through something like that. My heart goes out to him and his family.

Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. No, that's not the hormones, it's me - I'm pretty sappy that way. (Hallmark TV ads make me tear up, not to lessen the importance here, just to give you an example.)

Don't worry 'bout me dwelling on this aspect; I was just thinking. Thanks for listening.

We keep wondering to ourselves: what is all this going to cost us - besides the actual baby delivery?

See http://www.babycenter.com/babyCostCalculator.htm for a good calculator. Holy moly.

We can beg and borrow lots of stuff from family and friends around us. Whew, good thing, lucky us!

Diapers alone - wow.

WOW to all of it.